Meet

[ The Eight Cs of a Forever Relationship ]

MEET the person God has for me to meet

Would you believe a relationship is a lot like a car? Example: In the same way that eight-cylinder automobiles CAN run on only seven cylinders, and six-cylinder automobiles CAN run on only five cylinders, so also CAN a relationship survive on only six or seven of the following eight "cylinders" ... theoretically. But in the case of both the automobile and the relationship,
  1. it runs really rough,
  2. there's little power when needed,
  3. collateral damage to the structure often results,
  4. life expectancy of the vehicle drops,
  5. and it's just no fun.
So examine each of the following "cylinders." Each one is required, we'd propose, and each one relies on each of the others being there to pull its weight. As you meet folks and as you get to know them, ask yourself how each of the following areas are shaping up.

Christ ...

Not only does II Cor. 614 ("Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers ...") forbid believers from "yoking" with unbelievers, but even secular psychologists would tell us why ... "If you are a Buddhist, date a Buddhist." "If you are a Muslim, date a Muslim." "If you are a Christian, date a Christian." "If you are an atheist, date an atheist." Our faith goes to the very core of who we are and how we behave, how we respond, etc. So when two people of different faiths try to forge a relationship together, there are numerous (usually insurmountable) challenges that arise. Especially during times of the inevitable conflict, folks from differing perspectives of faith come up with different answers. Finally, "missionary dating" rarely works (trying to convert an adult to a different faith. If they've said no to a particular faith for this many years, they're not likely to change now.).

Chemistry ...

Lots of folks would say this is "shallow," but it is very real for most of us. And whereas "attraction" is not sufficient to make a relationship last, it is usually critical. Illustration ... if you are a woman, and we lined up 100 "gorgeous men" in front of you, you'd probably say something like, "they're all attracTIVE, but I'm only attracTED to those two." And it's not saying there's anything wrong with the other 98, it just means you're not attracted to them.

Communication ...

Men and women are brought up in different environments, and apparently our biological makeup is different, too. "They" think differently. They feel differently. They handle peers differently. One sex lives life from the heart. The other sex lives life from the head. Such differences require bridges to connect them, to bring them together. Communication is usually the required bridge. And communication is a skill, especially when it comes to communicating with the other sex.

Compatibility ...

"I'm active. He's a couch potato." "I want to date in groups. She wants to date just the two of us." "My I.Q. is 100-105. Theirs is 160+" I'm a workaholic and only want a relationship two hours a day, my partner only works 8 hours a day and wants a relationship ten hours a day." These are not rights and wrongs ... they are incompatibilities. Folks need to "fit" as partners.

Conflict Resolution ...

Disagreement and conflict is inevitable in all but the very fewest of relationships (just look at you and your boss.) And conflict is not necessarily bad ... look at the conflicts Jesus experienced. But they are challenging, and a couple must have the skills of successful conflict resolution. They must be able to climb out of the "potholes" of a relationship together, even victoriously.

Catalyst for Personal Growth ...

One of God's premier reasons for introducing us to the person He has for us for life, we'd propose, is that He then has a human voice through which to speak to us and call us more deeply into the abundant life He has for us. Very few of us are introspective enough and self-confident enough to do the personal work necessary to become all the person He has for us to become. Our spouse can be a specacular agent for the gentle (or radical) voice of "growth invitation" our loving Lord issues to us daily.

Common Life Purpose ...

When a couple reaches 65 (or 70 or whenever,) they're going to be spending the next 30-40 years together 18 waking hours per day. If he wants to go be a missionary in Africa and she wants to dedicate her life to the art of mastering the dogleg left, they have a problem. A couple must want to head in the same direction, otherwise they're headed apart.

Commitment ...

When all else fails ... when a relationship with Christ is not lived out as expected, when the chemistry is missing, when neither party can stand communicating with the other one, when all compatibility and similarities are out the window, when conflict resolution skills appear non-existent, when catalyst for personal growth is the last thing either wants to experience from the other, when there's no common life purpose visible on the horizon, the only thing that will hold a relationship together through this tough time is commitment ... the glue that's disappearing in America today, many would say. The absolute determination to hang in there through thick and thin, no matter what we're doing to each other. It's what Jesus did.