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Christian Dating and Matchmaking


Relationship Readiness Personal Assessment For Single Christians...

 
Our experience tells us that something like 20-30% of single Christians are not ready for a relationship ( though they may be absolutely convinced otherwise.) To be sure, we all have issues in life to be working through, but this questionnaire will help you pinpoint those that may be significant enough to be standing between you and a successful relationship (social or romantic.)

Rank yourself 1-10 for each question that follows. Try to be objective and honest with yourself. We recommend asking close friends and/or family members for their opinions as well.

Thanks to Dave Steele for his work on this questionnaire !

  1. My Vision, Values and Life Purpose


    1. I have a vivid "Vision" of what I want for my life and my relationship

      2. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    2. I am clear about my values and live by them

      3. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    3. I have clearly defined my life purpose and put it into action daily

      4. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    4. I know where and how I want to live

      5. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    5. I have written goals and an action plan to help me achieve my Vision

      6. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    6. I am living my life fully and in alignment with my vision, values and life purpose

      7. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10


  2. My Requirements


    1. I know what I will not tolerate in a relationship and don't tolerate them

      2. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    2. I know what I can't live without in a relationship and don't settle for less

      3. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    3. I know what values I must share with a partner

      4. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    4. I am clear about what personality traits and qualities I most value in a partner

      5. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    5. I am clear about what interests/activities I must share with a partner

      6. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    6. I have a written list of requirements and will not enter a relationship if even one of them is missing

      7. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    7. I know that only I can be responsible for my own life and happiness

      8. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10


  3. My Needs


    1. I am clear about what I need for a relationship to function for me on a daily basis

      2. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    2. I am clear about what I need emotionally to feel loved in a relationship

      3. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    3. I am clear about my boundaries and how to enforce them to get my needs met

      4. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    4. I ask for what I need and want, and take responsibility for the outcome

      5. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    5. I do not expect a relationship to meet all my needs and make me happy

      6. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    6. I have a support system to supplement meeting my social and emotional needs

      7. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    7. I have inner strength which helps me be self-reliant and pro-active about my needs

      8. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10


  4. My Relationship History and Patterns


    1. I understand what did and didn't work for me in previous relationships

      2. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    2. I understand which positive and negative relationship patterns I risk repeating

      3. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    3. I am aware of the traits of my parents that drive my partner choices

      4. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    4. I am aware of specific traits of my parents in myself

      5. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10


    5. I am aware of habits, patterns, and values I have inherited from my family
      6. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    6. I understand my past patterns of choosing partners

      7. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    7. I understand my past relationship attitudes, choices, and actions/behaviors

      8. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10


  5. My Emotional Issues


    1. My past relationship experiences do not impact my present relationships

      2. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    2. I have forgiven my parents for my past and present unmet needs

      3. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    3. I have let go of relationships which are damaging to me

      4. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    4. I have forgiven people who have hurt me

      5. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    5. I have sought forgiveness from people who I may have hurt

      6. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    6. I am able to forgive myself for my past mistakes

      7. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    7. I trust that everyone does the best they can at all times

      8. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    8. I am aware of, and own, my emotional issues when they arise in a relationship

      9. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

  6. VI   My Communication


    1. I do not gossip or talk about others

      2. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    2. I clearly communicate what I want and need; I don't make people guess

      3. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    3. I deal positively with misunderstandings and disagreements when they occur

      4. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    4. I own my judgments and accept differences with others

      5. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    5. I do not get defensive and "take personally" the things that people say about me

      6. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    6. I make requests rather than complain

      7. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    7. I regularly practice active listening, give validation, and express appreciation

      8. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    8. I am careful about what I promise and keep my word

      9. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

  7. VII   My Community


    1. I am aware of how I come across and affect others

      2. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    2. I am surrounded by caring people

      3. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    3. I add value to everyone in my community

      4. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    4. I spend my social time with healthy, happy, able people

      5. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    5. I have positive relationships with my parents, siblings, children, and ex

      6. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    6. I have a close circle of friends and we gather regularly

      7. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    7. I take extraordinary care of the people I have chosen to love

      8. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    8. I am a member of two or more communities (hobby, spiritual, professional, etc)

      9. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

  8. My Lifestyle


    1. I am satisfied with my work/career

      2. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    2. I support my present lifestyle and am preparing for my future security

      3. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    3. I have no financial or legal problems

      4. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    4. I am happy and successful being single

      5. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    5. I am living the life that I want as a single person

      6. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    6. I am ready and available for commitment

      7. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    7. I am healthy in mind, body, and spirit

      8. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

  9. My Dating Patterns


    1. I take initiative and responsibility for choosing who I want in my life and don't wait to be chosen

      2. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    2. I have clearly defined guidelines for sexual involvement that I adhere to

      3. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    3. I am authentic and do not try to make myself more appealing to attract a partner

      4. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    4. I am able to communicate my issues and needs to dating partners

      5. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    5. I balance my heart with my head and make careful relationship choices

      6. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    6. I do not interpret infatuation, attraction, or attachment as "Love"

      7. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    7. I do not expect a relationship to "rescue" me from emotional or financial problems

      8. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

  10. My Relationship Plan


    1. I understand and use the "Law Of Attraction" (like attracts like)

      2. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    2. I scout, sort, and screen potential partners effectively

      3. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    3. I am clear whether I am seeking a short-term recreational relationship or am ready to seek a long-term committed relationship

      4. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    4. I effectively disengage from prospective partners who are not a fit for me

      5. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    5. I use my community support system to scout for me

      6. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    6. I am actively involved in activities and groups of people highly aligned with me

      7. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

    7. I am balancing my partner search with investing in myself and living my vision

      8. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

  1. Glance back through your answers, noting those questions where you have given yourself the LOWEST scores. Are you willing to work through those areas? That may be what's required before you're ready to meet the person God has for you.

  2. With whom could you discuss and work through those areas? Group work (even a very small group) is often required to see and successfully work through issues.

  3. In what areas might you need to learn more (through reading, classes, workshops, etc?)

  4. What are the top (or bottom) 5 areas that could most interfere with the success of your next relationship?
  1. _________________________________________________________

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  3. _________________________________________________________

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